Comedy Central HD (United Kingdom): TV Schedule for Today

Rose Matafeo performs her Edinburgh Comedy Award-winning stand-up show Horndog, a whirlwind of mid-twenties angst and fizzing obsession, in London's West End.

Step By Stepsister: Ms. Snap is surprised when her mother shows up at parent's evening. Ms. Watson and Toby prepare a tap dance routine for the talent show. (S3, E09)

You Got F'd in the A: The boys get 'served' by some kids from the O.C. so now 'it's on!'. Stan puts together a dance troupe who must compete in the dance-off. Will Randy's moves save them? (S8, E04)

The Jeffersons: A new family arrive in South Park with a little boy called Blanket, a fairground in the garden and a dad with a penchant for singing and cosmetic surgery. Guess who? Shamone! (S8, E06)

Sometimes the only thing in the way of you is YOU. Tolu Ogunmefun wants to let you know that its ok tell those inner critical voices in your head to **** OFF. (S1, E06)

Padma Lakshmi returns to play Dubbing, while Heather has to choose a date between a delinquent joyriding girl, the new Bosley and a playboy octopus and Wayne sings songs of roommates. (S11, E02)

Darren Criss returns and sings a Motown song with Wayne and Jeff and a song about bubbles with Wayne and Colin. Greg Proops subs in and helps host the worst neighbour award show. (S11, E03)

Joel and Nish sign up to the Kodo drumming school on a remote island in Japan. Students wake up at dawn to exercise, do chores, and drum all day. Which means the boys must too. (S2, E02)

Teleshopping.

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A wild round of "Weird Newscasters" sees Gary playing Colin's overbearing mum, Wayne recreating a 'Taken' movie, and Ryan recounting the history of life on Earth in 30 seconds. (S11, E04)

"Weird Newscasters" brings us a host of crazy co-anchors, incl. Wayne's recreation of 'Tomb Raider' and Jeff's annoying car passenger. Colin and Ryan try to sell some weird aphrodisiacs. (S11, E05)

The audience's possessions become props in "What's In The Bag?", and "Scenes From A Hat" shows us Winter Olympic outtakes, weird exam questions and unlikely things for priests to say! (S11, E06)

Wayne totally breaks the Hoedown, while Brad hosts an identity-absorbing evil genius and his hideous dates in Party Quirks. Also played are Hollywood Director and Scenes from a Hat. (S11, E07)

The One With The Cheap Wedding Dress: Monica battles another shopper for the perfect wedding dress. Meanwhile, Joey and Ross fight over the same girl and go to drastic measures to win. (S7, E17)

The One With Joey's Award: Joey is nominated for a "Soapie" but loses. However, when he accepts a different award on behalf of a co-star, he finds himself unwilling to hand it over. (S7, E18)

The One With Ross and Monica's Cousin: Monica's gorgeous cousin (guest-star Denise Richards) unwittingly wreaks havoc on Chandler and Ross as they become infatuated by her good looks. (S7, E19)

The One With Rachel's Big Kiss: Rachel reveals a titillating secret about her and a former sorority sister (guest-star Winona Ryder). Ross and Chandler compete for wedding tuxedos. (S7, E20)

The One With The Vows: Chandler and Monica struggle to write their wedding vows. This prompts the group to remember the journey Monica and Chandler have made over the past few years. (S7, E21)

The One With Chandler's Dad: Chandler confronts his estranged cross-dressing father (Kathleen Turner). Meanwhile, Rachel gets into trouble driving Monica's Porsche. (S7, E22)

The One With Monica and Chandler's Wedding Part 1: Chandler gets the pre-wedding jitters and runs away. Meanwhile, Phoebe finds a positive pregnancy test and assumes it's Monica's. (S7, E23)

The One With Monica and Chandler's Wedding Part 2: Monica remains unaware of the potential disasters on her wedding day. Meanwhile, Joey's drunk co-star could make him miss the nuptials. (S7, E24)

The One After "I Do": Everybody thinks Monica's pregnant, but her denial quickly shifts the focus to Phoebe, thereby taking the heat off of a nervous Rachel. (S8, E01)

The One With The Red Sweater: Rachel won't tell anybody who the father is until she tells him. Meanwhile, Joey mistakenly thinks Phoebe is pregnant and makes a gallant gesture. (S8, E02)

The One Where Rachel Tells...: Chandler and Monica prepare to leave for their honeymoon as Rachel prepares to tell the father of her baby. (S8, E03)

The One With The Video Tape: Ross and Rachel disagree over who came onto whom when they hooked up. Meanwhile, Monica and Chandler meet another couple while on their honeymoon. (S8, E04)

The One With Rachel's Date: Ross is horrified to learn that Rachel is going on a date with a handsome actor, Kash, especially since she is pregnant with his child. (S8, E05)

The One With The Halloween Party: At Monica and Chandler's Halloween party Phoebe runs into her sister's fiance, Eric (guest-star Sean Penn), and finds herself attracted to him. (S8, E06)

The One With The Stain: Chandler hires a maid to help Monica but she thinks the maid is stealing her clothes. Meanwhile, Eric (Sean Penn) breaks up with Ursula and wants to date Phoebe. (S8, E07)

The One With The Stripper: Rachel tells her short-tempered father that she is pregnant with Ross' baby. Monica arranges to have a 'stripper' perform at Chandler's belated bachelor party. (S8, E08)

The One With The Rumour: Monica invites a high school friend, Will (Brad Pitt), to her Thanksgiving dinner. Rachel finds out that he and Ross started a mean rumour about her at school. (S8, E09)

The One With Monica's Boots: Phoebe finds out that Sting's son is in Ben's class, so she goes to see Sting's wife (real wife Trudie Styler) pretending to be Ben's mother. (S8, E10)

The One With Ross' Step Forward: Ross freaks out when Mona wants to send out joint Christmas cards which leads to her wanting to have "the talk" about their relationship. (S8, E11)

The One Where Joey Dates Rachel: Rachel feels she can't go on dates anymore due to her being pregnant, so Joey decides to take her on a date. (S8, E12)

The One Where Chandler Takes a Bath: Monica sways Chandler's dislike of baths but he soon becomes addicted to them. Meanwhile, Monica mistakenly tells Phoebe that Joey has a crush on her. (S8, E13)

The One With The Secret Closet: Chandler becomes obsessed with finding out what is behind the door of Monica's secret closet. (S8, E14)

Playboy Henry (Adam Sandler) sets his heart on romancing Lucy (Drew Barrymore), but she has short-term memory loss! So every morning, Henry has to woo her all over again. (2004)

The nation's favourite pub landlord merrily muses over a heady brew of topics, including the global financial crisis and his one man crusade to fix Broken Britain.