Comedy Central HD (United Kingdom): TV Schedule for Today

Panel show based on the weird world of statistics and polls, hosted by Jimmy Carr. Team captains are Sean Lock and Jon Richardson; guests incl. Jack Whitehall and Krishnan Guru-Murthy. (S11, E02)

Cartman's Incredible Gift: Cartman jumps off his roof while wearing cardboard wings and ends up in a coma. When he awakens he believes he has psychic powers - and the police believe it too! (S8, E13)

Woodland Critter Christmas: Stan finds talking animals building a Christmas tree in the woods. They enlist him to protect them from an evil mountain lion but things aren't what they seem. (S8, E14)

Mr Garrison's Fancy New Vagina: Mr Garrison has a sex change, Kyle has an unusual operation to make him tall and athletic enough to play basketball and Kyle's dad has "dolphinoplasty"!?! (S9, E01)

Kristen Schaal kills a genie just to steal his clothes, foresees her own death as a beloved hobo and performs her harrowing kitchen utensil drama, 'Lonely Fire'.

Desi Lydic tracks Trump's "Tariff Day" rollercoaster, from the shock 90-day pause, to slapping more tariffs on China. Actor Olivia Munn talks about her new Apple TV series "Your Friends & Neighbours".

The One With Phoebe's Husband: Phoebe reveals she married a gay Canadian ice dancer to help him get his green card. This spurs Joey and Chandler to share some of their secrets. (S2, E04)

The One With Five Steaks And An Eggplant: Income issues divide the friends. Monica, Ross and Chandler have money, and Phoebe, Rachel and Joey don't. (S2, E05)

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Wilson's World: After a critic declares performance artist Wilson is out of touch with reality, the Taylors' neighbour decides to be more like Tim. Tim and Al compete in a cooking contest. (S6, E17)

Something Old, Something Blue: Al reveals a secret to Tim and the guys before his wedding to Ilene. Jill tries to reassure him by talking about how she had to be dragged to her wedding.. (S6, E18)

Communication Breakdown: The kids are using the phone way too much so Tim convinces Jill to let Harry's son Dennis install a second line. (S6, E19)

My Son, The Driver: Jill's instincts are correct when she predicts something bad will happen on Brad's first night out with his driver's license - but it's more serious than Brad admits. (S6, E20)

Tattoo: Vanessa hopes getting a tattoo will change the current status she has with her three daughters from mother/daughter to the friend/friend level. (S5, E20)

The Marriage Doctor: When Mike finds out future son-in-law Kyle fears meeting with the church's new minister, Mike tells Kyle to use him and Vanessa as a strong marriage example. (S5, E21)

Jonathan Ross narrates as one hundred Beauty Queens try to avoid bathing in muck in BRAND NEW game Mud Ball before taking on the Honeycomb maze. (S3, E06)

Jonathan Ross narrates as a new class of University students attempt to storm the castle but with Turtle Path, Wet Paint and Runaway Rockaway to conquer, will any of them make the grade? (S3, E07)

Sara Pascoe, Alan Davies, Darren Harriott, and sidekick John Kearns, welcome Ivo Graham, Rachel Parris, Stevie Martin and Eshaan Akbar to play another round of absurd guessing games. (S4, E04)

The One With Monica and Chandler's Wedding Part 1: Chandler gets the pre-wedding jitters and runs away. Meanwhile, Phoebe finds a positive pregnancy test and assumes it's Monica's. (S7, E23)

The One With Monica and Chandler's Wedding Part 2: Monica remains unaware of the potential disasters on her wedding day. Meanwhile, Joey's drunk co-star could make him miss the nuptials. (S7, E24)

The One After "I Do": Everybody thinks Monica's pregnant, but her denial quickly shifts the focus to Phoebe, thereby taking the heat off of a nervous Rachel. (S8, E01)

The One With The Red Sweater: Rachel won't tell anybody who the father is until she tells him. Meanwhile, Joey mistakenly thinks Phoebe is pregnant and makes a gallant gesture. (S8, E02)

The One Where Rachel Tells...: Chandler and Monica prepare to leave for their honeymoon as Rachel prepares to tell the father of her baby. (S8, E03)

The One With The Video Tape: Ross and Rachel disagree over who came onto whom when they hooked up. Meanwhile, Monica and Chandler meet another couple while on their honeymoon. (S8, E04)

The One With Rachel's Date: Ross is horrified to learn that Rachel is going on a date with a handsome actor, Kash, especially since she is pregnant with his child. (S8, E05)

The One With The Halloween Party: At Monica and Chandler's Halloween party Phoebe runs into her sister's fiance, Eric (guest-star Sean Penn), and finds herself attracted to him. (S8, E06)

The One With The Stain: Chandler hires a maid to help Monica but she thinks the maid is stealing her clothes. Meanwhile, Eric (Sean Penn) breaks up with Ursula and wants to date Phoebe. (S8, E07)

The One With The Stripper: Rachel tells her short-tempered father that she is pregnant with Ross' baby. Monica arranges to have a 'stripper' perform at Chandler's belated bachelor party. (S8, E08)

The One With The Rumour: Monica invites a high school friend, Will (Brad Pitt), to her Thanksgiving dinner. Rachel finds out that he and Ross started a mean rumour about her at school. (S8, E09)

The One With Monica's Boots: Phoebe finds out that Sting's son is in Ben's class, so she goes to see Sting's wife (real wife Trudie Styler) pretending to be Ben's mother. (S8, E10)

The One With Ross' Step Forward: Ross freaks out when Mona wants to send out joint Christmas cards which leads to her wanting to have "the talk" about their relationship. (S8, E11)

The One Where Joey Dates Rachel: Rachel feels she can't go on dates anymore due to her being pregnant, so Joey decides to take her on a date. (S8, E12)

The One Where Chandler Takes a Bath: Monica sways Chandler's dislike of baths but he soon becomes addicted to them. Meanwhile, Monica mistakenly tells Phoebe that Joey has a crush on her. (S8, E13)

The One With The Secret Closet: Chandler becomes obsessed with finding out what is behind the door of Monica's secret closet. (S8, E14)

Miranda Hart bravely gives Michael her phone in Celebrity Send to All, and there is music from Niall Horan and new comedy material from Michael himself. (S3, E05)

Ryan & Colin use the audience to take them through a portal to hell. Movie star and comedian Tiffany Haddish joins Wayne & Ryan as a three-headed singer harmonising about hot dogs. (S13, E02)

Aisha introduces another collection of unseen material from past series', incl. a crazy edition of "Party Quirks" and an action-packed flamenco scene with celebrity guest Marisol Nichols. (S12, E02)

The nation's favourite pub landlord merrily muses over a heady brew of topics, including the global financial crisis and his one man crusade to fix Broken Britain.